A Goat’s Resume
I’ve wanted goats for years. I have checked out the same book about goats from my local library twice, and years apart! I did research on fencing. I read about feed and minerals. I understood about shelter, water and companionship. But what I didn’t understand was goat behaivior.
Because goats, as it turns out, are not peaceful little lawn ornaments that keep the weeds at bay. NOPE! They are tiny, four-legged chaos engineers with excellent balance, questionable judgement, and an almost supernatural ability to locate whatever thing you absolutely do no want them getting into.
So here are a few things I wish I had a bigger understanding of before I brought goats home.
Goats Will Climb Literally ANYTHING
When people tell you goats like to climb, believe them. Imagine this, then double that imagination.
I understood the sentence “goats like to climb” intellectually.
I did not understand it spiritually.
If there is a slanted tree, they will climb it.
A stump? Obviously.
A pile of firewood? Duh!
A two inch ledge on a coop? Apparently so.
A car?
Jeezuz, yes. And my hatchback is their favorite playground.
Goats don’t seem to distinguish between “natural climbing structure” and “thing I would very much prefer them not to stand on”.
Their entire philisophy appears to be:
If I can see the top of this obstacle, I should probably try to jump on it.
And if one goat figures something out, congratulations! You now have two goats working on the same engineering problem.
They will investigate gates.
They will push on gates.
They will stand beside gates and stare at gates.
They will repeatedly test a gate that has never moved before simply because, apparently to them, today might be the day it gives up.
Our goats have already figured out how to get through our gate and visit the neighbor’s house.
TWICE.
Not because they were hungry. Not because they were being chased. No because there was some terrible emergency. They were just bored.
Goats don’t escape. They conduct unauthorized field trips. TWICE (so far).
I thought I had figured out how to keep them in the pen during morning feeding time so I don’t have to move my car at sunrise, half awake in my pajamas. Welp, one morning I came out after feed time to move the car and let them graze outside of the pen, but Opal had already let herself out. Did she want to keep this a secret from me? Absolutely not. The moment I opened the pen door, she came in with me and showed me how she jumped on the nesting boxes (about 3 ft high), then jumped on the coop roof, then launched herself over the fence of the pen. Repeatedly, like she was so proud of herself.
So add ‘supernatural jumping ability’ to their resume.
Goats Are Food-Motivated on a Completely Different Level
I have had a lot of animals in my lifetime. I had a pet prairie dog that I trained to use an M&M dispenser to get treats. Goats have made me reconsider the definition of “food motivated”. They are very, very food motivated.
If tou are carrying something that might possibly be edible, they will try a nibble. If you are wearing something that might be edible, they will try a nibble. If you are holding something that totally is NOT edible, they’ll still investigate.
Oh, They LOVE Chicken Feed.
I knew before getting goats that chicken feed was bad for them. Too much grain in their rumens can actually hurt them. Goats are browsing and forage animals, so gorging themselves on a pile of concentrated chicken feed is a hard pass.
Goats are like Houdini…they will find weak points in food storage and absolutely steal food.
So our chicken feed now has to be treated like contraband. The chickens can have it. The goats absolutely cannot. Which brings me to another thing I wish I’d known…
Goats and Chickens Can Be Friends…With Boundaries
Our goats and chickens have developed a surprisingly symbiotic little relationship. They hang around together. The chickens peck sticky plants off the goats and the goats serve as elevated platforms for the chickens. (Yep, they’ll jump on the goats’ backs.)
But adorable does not mean safe.
Especially at night.
The goats are considerably larger than the chickens, even being such a small breed. And they don’t understand that jumping around and playing could mean accidentallly stomping on a chicken under foot. So we eventually had to separate the goats and chickens at night.
So now the chickens have their own secure roosting area and the goats have their own area where they can safely jump and play.
Goats vs. the Store Bought Brooding Coop
We have about 8 chickens that are still growing, so we keep them in a smaller coop until they are big enough in size to hang with the big girls. The pecking order can be brutal, so I like keep everyone separate until they can hold their own.
The Big Girl Coop is, as the name suggests, significantly more over-engineered. My husband and I built it out of 2×4, 2×6 and fence pickets about 11 years ago and it has stood the test of the Texas weather.
The little coop?
The goats regard it as a suggestion. I origianlly thought the goats might be interested in the chickens.
No.
They are interested in the coop which holds random bits of feed the baby chickens dropped on the ground.
They rub against it.
They climb on it.
They lean on it.
They climb in it. Yep. One of the “perks” of having a small breed goat.
They generally behave as though the entire structure was installed specifically for their recreational enjoyment.
I have learned that when evaluating whether something is goat-proof, you should not ask:
“Can the goats get through it?”
You should ask:
“What happens when two goats to climb on it simultaneously?”
Those are two totally different engineering questions.
So let’s add to the resume that goats are amazing QA testers.
Goats Will Eat Your Trees
I knew goats browsed.
I knew they ate leaves.
What I underestimated was their enthusiasm for bark.
A perfectly innocent tree apparently looks to a goat like a beautifully wrapped snack.
They’ll reach up, strip leaves, and investigate branches. If there is bark available, welp, it was clearly put there FOR them.
Goat-proofing a property, I’ve learned, is less about keeping goats away from from things and more about identifying every plant, structure, object, fence, vehicle and piece of equipment that you would like to still have in tact tomorrow.
Goats have strong teeth and intentional curiosity.
They Love Getting Scratched Behind Their Horns
For all their chaos, goats are ridiculously affectionate. Especially when you find their favorite spot. Scratch them behind their horns and suddenly the same animal that was attempting to dismantle a coop five minutes ago becomes a giant, happy, floppy puppy.
I started with two, very friendly goats. Then I added two more about a month later, Dravite and Sapphire. The two new ones were young and a little standoffish. Once I started giving those horn scritches to Dravite, she came around fast! Sapphire is still learning, but she’s only about 4 months old so we have plenty of time.
Onyx will see my blue hair come out of the front door and come running for me. If I don’t start scratching her horns immediately, she’ll gently yet forcefully let me know it.
But then I remember these adorable little creatures were playing on my car earlier. Ugh, it’s hard to stay mad at them.
So add supernatural cuteness to that resume.
The Biggest Suprise: They’re Hilarous
I expected goats to be useful.
I expected them to eat weeds and brush.
I expected them to require fencing, shelter, feed and minerals.
I did not expect them to have such enormous personalities.
They are curios. They are stubborn. They are food obsessed. They are affectionate. They are suprisingly intelligent.
And they are constantly looking for the next terrible idea.
Everyday with goats seems to involve some variation of:
“Why are you up there?”
“How did you get over here?”
“What are you eating?”
“Please don’t jump on that!”
“Stop playing so rough with the baby!”
Sooo, would I do it again? Absolutely.
Would I build things differently? Also absolutely.
Would I ever again underestimate a goat’s ability to escape, climb, chew, investigate or locate food?
Not a chance.
I came into goat ownership thinking I was adding a couple of small dog-like farm animals.
What I actually acquired was a herd of adorable, horned goblins who wake up every morning and apparently ask themselves:
“What can we get into today?”
And honestly? I’m starting to think this chaos is exactly why I love these little goblins!
